I'm having kind of a rough night. It's the strangest thing...I can go days and be just fine...and then all of a sudden I feel like I'm being washed away in a sea of emotional turmoil. The hardest part is that I don't see it coming. It's the feeling you get when you wake up the next morning after something terrible has happened...and for one split second you think it was just a dream...and then with crashing certainty, you realize it wasn't. And then the grief hits you all over again. And it's agonizing. One of the most difficult things is that life keeps moving...everyone around you recovers and resumes normalcy...and yet something within you is forever altered. On days like this it hurts so much it is almost suffocating. My husband has been so great through this. He encourages me to grieve and he tells me it's ok. He was just leaving for work tonight when my emotions were beginning to bubble to the surface. He knew just what was wrong and I love that about him. After he left, my oldest daughter wrapped her arms around me and asked me what was wrong. I told her I am just still very sad about the baby. She held me tight and whispered that it was ok and let me cry. Then she did the most amazing thing...she began to pray for me. I am so blessed. I am so very very blessed. If God never does another thing for me, I am blessed beyond belief. 
Because of who you are
I give you glory
Because of who you are
I give you praise
Because of who you are
I will lift my voice and say
Lord, I worship you
Because of who you are
Lord, I worship you
Because of who you are
Jehovah Jireh
My provider
Jehovah Nissi
Lord, you reign in victory
Jehovah Shalom
My prince of peace
And I worship you
Because of who you are
1 comment:
I just got done listening to the pastor from campmeeting that was on monday night randy caldwell's pastor. I hadn't heard it before but i felt like i should listen to him and i'm so glad that i did then I read your blog. Remember what he said in his sermon about the twice spoken word? I have never heard it like that before it was illuminated in my life tonight and I'm going to bring to remmberence to you my sister, that the word of God says Weeping may endure for a night but Joy comes in the morning! Cast all your cares on the Lord because He cares for you and He knows what you're going through.
I know you know what it says but sometimes you need someone to bring to remeberence. I can't take away your pain, but I know the one who does. Another thing that pastor said was in 2 thes. 3:1 about the word of God will go swiftly through everything we are going through and when it gets through you it will be glorified. and in Habkukuk 3:1 about the Shigionoth which was the song of praise and pain, truimph and trial. Praising God thru your pain. It may look bad for awhile but give the praise anyway. Just because your answer hasn't come yet doesn't mean it's not on it's way.
I know from experience what you are going thru so I can honestly say joy does come in the morning even though you are weeping right now. We serve a faithful God Crystal and I know you know that, but He is and He will bring you through this He did me does it still hurt sometimes yes it does, but His mercy is new every morning. Sometimes it seemed like the morning took forever but it does come. I just wanted to share with you what was on my heart, I'm here for you and praying for you also. When you don't know what else to say just say His name Jesus.
Love ya
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