Faith's Freedom

Losing my baby in July was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through in all of my life. And believe me, I've been through my share of hard times. When I found out I was expecting again...so many emotions fought inside of me that I was in constant turmoil. I was happy, yet extremely fearful. I was excited, yet wary. Carrying a new baby in some ways made me mourn my last baby even more. It took a lot of prayer and just falling on my face before God to get me to a place of peace. About two weeks ago, I started feeling much more confident about the pregnancy. I allowed myself to become more excited and we started telling our friends and church family the news. But as the day of my doctor's appointment this week crept closer and closer, the old fears began to resurface. When you have never lost a baby, you take for granted that everything is going to be just fine...that your baby is alive and healthy. But when you know the truth...that life is fragile...that the Lord gives and the Lord takes away...that there are some things that you just have absolutely no control over...you stop taking for granted even the smallest things like the certainty that when you go to the doctor you will hear a heartbeat coming from your precious little child. It is so difficult to lay your fears at the feet of Jesus and ask for his will to be done. So it was not with excitement and happy expectation that we went to the doctor yesterday...it was with prayer and petition. God is so good. Not only does our baby have a nice strong heartrate (177) but we got to see he/she wiggling and kicking all over the place. I was instantly overwhelmed with thankfulness. Here is the first picture of our little one...it is a little blurry because I took a picture of the actual picture with my camera.



You know, God IS good. In the good times...times of joy and excitement and happiness...but also in the bad times. In fact, that is when his goodness matters most. That is when you feel his love and his compassion for you on a deeper level. It's easy when things are going well to talk about how good he is. But when everything is falling apart around you, when life is handing you things that are unfair and hurtful, there is ONE who will always be there.

It is inevitable, in fact God says it is certain, that people will fail you, that they will let you down, that they will hurt you. It shouldn't be any surprise when they do. But I thank God that he is my rock. That his truth will always prevail. That in the end this life is but a short vapor and my eternity will be with Him. That is why I will continue to live my life for him, in every way that I possibly can.

1 John 2:15-17
"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world - the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does - comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever."