Quiet Moments

I have a few quiet moments so I thought I would take the time to blog. It's funny how your mind kind of needs to be exercised just as much as any other part of your body. In my day to day life, I get so busy with doing that I forget to do much reflecting. It's important. It's in those quiet moments of reflection and thought that I can hear the whisper of Jesus in my ear. My almost-four-year-old has been gaining independence with some speed over the last year. She no longer feels that she needs me in order to accomplish most of what she sets out to do. To a mother that brings forth two distinct emotions: pride that you are doing well in raising a child who likes to take care of herself and go after what she wants...and, so much more overwhelmingly, great sorrow in knowing that your baby is growing more every day and is, in fact, not a baby anymore. She no longer climbs up in my lap just to be held, her cry for kisses comes far less than ever before, and my extended helping hand is met with an outraged "I can do it myself!" Oh, how these things break a mama's heart! Yes, there is comfort in knowing that someday soon, the more affectionate bond will return as it did with my oldest daughter. It is difficult to remember though, when you have no baby to cuddle with or rock or "take care of" in the meantime. Because isn't that what we, as mother's, thrive on? Being caretaker. Daddy thrives on being provider, hero, master of fun. Mama lives for feedings, and story-reading, and tying shoes, and yes...even changing diapers. For bathing, for swinging, for carrying through the store even when you feel as though your back may break. For small hands in yours, for tears to be kissed away, for boo-boos to bandage. No, it's not easy...it's long hours, and restless nights, and headaches that result from those wonderful shouts of joyful play and long bouts of giggles. It's cleaning up messes, mending wounded hearts after hurts, it's teaching the most important life lessons that can never be learned in a classroom. But this mama wouldn't trade any of it for anything else in the world. As I tearfully reflect on how much my sweet little baby is growing up, I think of how God must feel when I, his child, decide to become less dependent on him and more dependent on myself. Does he feel as I do?...disappointed..hurt...sad? Not only is he our Caretaker, but also our Provider. How it must grieve him when we decide that we don't need him for much anymore, other than the necessities. How it must tear at his heart when we make decisions without seeking his counsel, or step into something without first asking his permission. How it must hurt him when we find ourselves in a sticky situation and pridefully refuse to ask him for help. Most of all, how much sorrow do we bring to him when we stop climbing up into his lap...spending time with him...basking in his love. Lord, get us back to the place that we were before we got all "grown up" and decided we could manage on our own. Back to the place of total dependence on our daddy. If only we would learn to once again rest in his arms, let him fight our battles for us, and put all of our trust in him.